I have updated the treatment upon getting some feedback from friends to be more clear with its meanings, and to do something with symbolism. Not much different but it got what I wanted.
What helped in developing my treatment is in recognising the fact that what I am writing is not at the stage of writing the script, of where I write more descriptively. So describing the events simply should be enough; the visual display in thumbnails/storyboard also contribute to this communication.
Storyboard of the new story/idea/treatment:
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